ohfucknodenbo.
I feel so bad. :S
I'm such a failure-full socially awkward failsome failure induvidual. FAIL.
We had this poetry assignment we had to do for English where we had to deconstuct and analyze a poem, and then read it out as an oral for the class and show a visual representation, which I made this for: http://icrashcars.deviantart.com/art/alone-116836863
And yeah. I like. have always been a social-phobic idiot, but I was sort of thinking I was mentally prepared to do this. and my class is really small. like... I don't know. not many people. and there aren't any of the "popular" bitchy girls in it who are always harassing me. So that was good.
But when I went up to do it, I started freaking out. and like. read the poem basically all the way, even though I was having a hard time breathing and it was shaky and quiet, and then at the last line of the poem I just stopped talking and was like "I can't do this". and was about to cry and it was hard to take a breath. and so the teacher said 'okay, go sit down'. and so I went back to my seat and started crying my face off.
ohhh my god. I suck.
She made me talk to her after the class. and she'll give me special provisions or whatever so I can do what my last teacher let me do for my english oral last year: just a few of my friends could come and I'd do the presentation for her then at lunch or something. But she said I would and she would have to talk to my head of house about the phobianess because it would most likely affect my other subjects too and I should get help for it outside school and stuff since I had such good work otherwise and stuff. :'(
i'll never be able to do anything normal in front of people
I thought I could do it! I mean. :S
I was ready. it wasn't a big deal and all I had to do was read it out but ARGH!
IT WAS SO EMBARASSING! I think it was a panic attack. and... it was really weird and scary.
I'm going to die.